Who they are, where they're from, who they're with — and all the tea worth spilling. ☕ ✨
Everything you need to know before kickoff. No soccer knowledge required. 💅 ⚽
✨ Full Guide Drops Before Next Home Game ✨
We're refreshing the roster, verifying the tea, and making sure nobody's wife gets mixed up with somebody else's wife. Again. The full guide returns for April 4.
📺 Last Saturday at Shell Energy Stadium
Bogusz scores in the 105th minute to win it
Houston Dynamo
2-0-1 · 6 pts
3 – 2
Portland Timbers
1-0-3 · 3 pts
If you left early, you missed everything. Portland took the lead right before halftime. Houston clawed back with goals from Guilherme and Felipe Andrade (a gorgeous long-range strike). Portland equalized. Then came 15 minutes of stoppage time.
In the 105th minute — yes, you read that right — Mateusz Bogusz collected a ball from Jack McGlynn and calmly slotted it home. His first Dynamo goal. The 2nd latest winning goal in MLS history. 18,026 people lost their minds.
Both of Houston's new Designated Players (Bogusz and Guilherme) scored. 1 goal + 1 assist each. The expensive signings are starting to look worth it.
Oh, and Bogusz's wife Wiktoria? She was probably watching from the stands while very pregnant (baby girl due any day now). We'll have updates. 👀
What's Coming in the Full Guide
A few things we're keeping warm for you
👶
Bogusz Baby Watch
Wiktoria posted "She's on her way 💝" back in January. The due date was February. It's now mid-March. Either this baby is extremely fashionably late or they're keeping the announcement private. We're watching.
Baby watch
💔
Herrera's Divorce Era
The team's most famous player split from his longtime partner Shantal Mayo in 2025. He's got 1M+ Instagram followers and he's single. Just putting that out there.
The tea is hot
💍
WAG Power Rankings
From Wiktoria's Pilates empire to Preslee Clark's luxury makeup artistry to the Lingrs' disgustingly cute couple content — we ranked them all and we're not sorry.
Can't miss
⚔️
Know the Enemy: Seattle Sounders
We scouted their roster for the hottest players, the most stalkable socials, and any drama worth knowing about. Spoiler: there's always drama.
Opponent intel
🇵🇱🇧🇷🇲🇽
25 Players, 12+ Countries, Infinite Tea
Every player on the roster — who they are, where they're from, who they're dating (or divorced from), and what their Instagram says about them. The full guide covers all of it.
Full roster
📍 Next Home Game
Dynamo vs Seattle Sounders
Saturday, April 4 · 7:30 PM · Shell Energy Stadium